DrunkenTech.com

I Hate Lazy Graphic Designers

June 27th, 2009

Why do I hate lazy graphic/type designers? Because I’ve been seeing shit tons of ads on USA for Royal Pains while I’m watching Burn Notice, and they always show this shitty Futura-looking logotype:

And I can’t get it out of my head that some designer at the USA Network is cheating on his wife with an ExxonMobil branding specialist. There’s no fucking way it’s a coincidence that there’s modified “X” form in the same font of each logotype:

FUCK ME. The more I look at these two logos the more I want to murder people. I know I’m not a trained, certified, hipster graphic artist, but for the love of Christ, do some research before submitting your work!

Posted in Douchebaggery, Graphic Design, Jackassery, Rants, Typography | No Comments »

The Bootable SD Slot And You: Facts To Know

June 27th, 2009

With the recent announcement of Apple’s Mid-2009 lineup of MacBook Pro models, and the introduction of the 15-inch and newly rebranded 13-inch models with SD (and SDHC) memory card slots, the world has been drooling over the notion of bootable SD cards serving as emergency disks for oh-shit recovery of a fallen Mac while on the road. I am completely in favor of this idea, but the SD/SDHC boot capability has been around since January 2006.

Beginning with Apple’s adoption of Intel processors and implementation of EFI, booting devices over Macs’ built-in USB buses has been a trivial task. Those Apple computers with FireWire ports can also boot from a properly configured 1394 device as well. The large majority of SD/SDHC memory card readers, including the Belkin-branded model living in my ExpressCard slot, are USB bridges that are usually bootable. Apple’s own built-in SD readers are also USB, which is half of an ExpressCard slot (but I’ll not rant about that now.) Almost any device on a bootable interface, including USB flash-based thumb drives, can hold an emergency bootable operating system.

For several months, I’ve been using the OCZ Diesel 16GB USB flash drive to test my OH SHIT image with pretty decent results. I’m a cheap bastard, and I’m not going to be spending $100+ to get the super duper high speed flash drives from OCZ or Corsair. When I bought my two, I paid around $26 or so from NewEgg, but the price has fluctuated to almost $40 before coming back to $33 as of today. Anyways, I create my boot image on an external FireWire drive because it is so much faster to create, update, and image. Once finalized and set up for restore, I use Carbon Copy Cloner to copy everything to the Diesel, and it’s amazing.

If you want to see a tutorial for dummies because I’m too lazy to do it myself, here’s a video on Macworld.com on how to set up a bootable SD card, which would work the same for any appropriately sized USB flash drive as well.

Just don’t let anyone tell you this is a “new” feature. Except that the SD slot is “built-in”, this functionality has existed for years.

Posted in Apple, Mac Stuff, Technology | No Comments »

Another Year, Another iPhone Launch…

June 18th, 2009

Well, this is the 3rd iPhone launch that I’ll experience up close and personal. This time, however, I will not be involved in the bastardry and insanity that is waiting in line like a goddamned fool to get a phone. No, I’m just going to take some pictures of the crowds whenever I feel like wandering over to the local Apple Store.

I don’t understand things like product launches drawing this kind of crowd. Movies and concerts I get, but all of this hubbub for a piece of Chinese plastic that is WAY better designed, but not completely unlike other pieces of Chinese plastic to hit the market. It’s insane, and I like it. A LOT.

Don’t get me wrong: I own some Apple stock and I’d like to see it go up to the 160+ range this summer so I can sell off and relieve my debt ratio that has given me Goatse-like pains the past 2 years. When Apple does well, it helps out the rest of the “Mac economy” so to speak, and I am just such a member of that economy. More success is good. Watching crazy douchebags break their credit cards doing it: priceless.

Just thought of something: they should sell the JesusPhone in vending machines at all Starbucks and Saddleback Church locations. Please contact me so I can provide a mailing address for commission checks thankyouverymuch.

Posted in Apple, JesusPhone, Phones, Rants, WTF, iPhone | No Comments »

Looks like my next MacBook Pro will have a 17-inch screen

June 9th, 2009

Because Apple has neutered the 15-inch models with an SD card reader instead of something, oh I don’t know, professional like a FUCKING EXPRESSCARD SLOT.

And just because enough people bitched about FireWire being stripped from the 13-inch portables doesn’t mean you can add it back on, praise it like a gift from Jesus, and call it a “pro” portable when it has integrated video.

And maybe I’m just a bit cynical when I say that Apple is looking to have more retail shelf space available by not stocking spare batteries because STEVE JOBS SAYS YOU DON’T NEED A SPARE BATTERY ANYMORE. YOU’LL LIKE THIS ONE JUST FINE.

But people will buy them, and a few of us will be sitting in the corner bitching about lack of options. Bleh.

Posted in Apple, Douchebaggery, Jackassery, Mac Stuff, Rants, Technology, WTF | No Comments »

My Day Is Ruined, For No Good Reason

May 30th, 2009

So, I recently found out that the vast majority of Apple’s wireless gear, including the AirPort Extreme, AirPort Express, and Time Capsule hardware is built by Ambit. Anyone who has known me for a while knows that I HATE Ambit cable modems with the fire of a thousand suns. They are quite crappy, in my personal experience, and knowing that my beloved Apple AirPort Extremes are OEMed by Ambit was like taking a shit in my Cheerios.

However, this does not change the fact that, AirPort Extreme hardware is amazingly solid and extremely reliable. I have had FEW problems ever with my AirPort gear, and it just goes to show that the design of the product means more than almost anything else, and even with a crappy OEM, you can have a great marketable device.

I also found out, as a total aside, that the Foxconn plant in Fullerton, CA assembled my Power Mac G4 and still assembles Mac Pro and Xserve hardware for Apple to this day. Any of your “Pro” Apple hardware that is labeled as “Assembled in USA” is probably built by Foxconn in Fullerton or Dallas, TX. There’s also a Quanta plant in Fremont, CA that does some assembly of stuff like (going by the serial numbers of shipping product) the iMac and MacBook, but my guess is that it does less than the plants in China. If anyone is actually interested in this shit, I’ll post more in the future.

Posted in Apple, Mac Stuff, Ramblings, Rants, Technology | No Comments »

WedSafe Likes To Spam Non-Customers (And Customers)

May 20th, 2009

As you may recall from my post last August, which by the way is the #3 result on Google for “wedsafe“, the crooked fucks at WedSafe and Aon Insurance charged me around $200 for a policy they didn’t deliver and then lied about delivering it when I called them out on it. Once I showed them (and the world) the irrefutable proof to the contrary on this site, they quickly backed down and refunded my money. They knew full well they would lose in court, and I was ready to take it as far as I had to. One thing you don’t do is screw with people when they are getting married. That kind of shit gets people the special places in hell, and WedSafe’s management team will certainly be in the warmer beds of Lucifer’s palace.

Fast forward to March 11 of this year. I get this email:

I don’t remember ever signing up for WedSafe marketing emails, and if you want to get all lawyery technical about it, this would seem to be a violation of any junk email laws that are still on the books, if any. Not only do they like to take your money and close up shop for the weekend before giving you the product you paid for, they like to send you unsolicited advertising too.

I especially like the statement at the bottom that reads “This message is intended only for the addressee and may contain information that is confidential or privileged. Unauthorized use is strictly prohibited and may be unlawful.” Well, I didn’t sign the contract agreeing to those terms. I will, however, take them up on their offer to “Do a friend a favor…” and ”… forward this message…” to the rest of the world so they can see what a bunch of crooked shamming bastards they really are over at WedSafe.

Please, do yourself or a friend a real favor: tell them to not give the people at WedSafe any of their hard-earned money.

Posted in Customer Service, Douchebaggery, Fraud, Jackassery, Money, Rants, WTF | No Comments »

Trent Reznor, I Love You

May 4th, 2009

http://forum.nin.com/bb/read.php?9,651569,651569#msg-651569

Posted in Apple, Douchebaggery, Jackassery, JesusPhone, Rants, Software, Technology, WTF, iPhone, iTunes | No Comments »

I Fucking Hate Adobe

April 29th, 2009

Like most folks in their mid- to late-20s, I’ve at some point used copies of Adobe’s software that was not necessarily purchased legitimately. I know, I know, you’re shocked and dismayed. Over the past year, I’ve made a point to do two things: get legitimate licenses to every piece of software on my system AND not have any Adobe shit installed on my system. I’ve succeeded with the first, and have succeeded as much as possible with the second.

Let’s get this out of the way: Adobe’s software used to be pretty fucking cool. And in some ways, it still is. I have wet dreams about running Photoshop 3.0.5 on an 8-core Nehalem Mac Pro with 32GB of RAM filled with Velociraptor drives and Quadro cards because that would be the best photo editing setup EVER MADE. PS3 was quite simply the best mix of features, size, speed, and stability of any version of Photoshop I can remember. Since that point, it has only gotten worse. And since that point, Adobe’s licensing bullshit has gotten astronomically worse.

I’ll say that I work in a direct customer-facing position where my job is to support my employer’s products. Because of the nature of the job, and the customers, it has become incumbent on myself and my coworkers to support EVERY OTHER COMPANY’S PRODUCTS if is can so much as be imagined to interface with my employer’s products. I have the utter joy of explaining to a customer why their $1500 Creative Suite 2 installation won’t work properly on an Intel Mac and why Adobe’s activation scheme, much like WGA, forces them to reactivate the software with a phone call whenever they pass gas. This happens ALL THE TIME.

Lots of examples of Adobe’s bullshit can be had here, here, here, and especially here.

They have my ass in a corner when it comes to Flash. I keep that shit updated because, as is evidenced by their Acrobat dev team’s skill, they can’t keep it together when it comes to zero-day arbitrary code execution vulnerabilities. However, since Flash is necessary to use most of the intartubes, I use the glorious free ClickToFlash plugin for Safari/WebKit. Coupled with Safari AdBlock (yeah, I know it’s funny since I have Google Adsense on this site anyways) my web browsing experience is much less likely to cause a seizure and only loads Adobe’s goddamned Flash plug-in when I want it to be loaded.

I currently use Pixelmator, VectorDesigner, ChocoFlop, Graphic Converter, Aperture, VueScan, and Raw Photo Processor to work with the various images in my day-to-day life. And while that may give you readers pause, let me tell you, it’s absolutely great not having to think about what shit is going to go down on my system the next time I launch a CS program. Coupled with the fact that it’s all legitimately purchased software, I feel like I’ve been liberated from the shackles of Adobe. Much like Linux users are supposed to feel when they rid themselves of Microsoft, except I’m actually getting shit done on my operating system.

I’m no so naïve as to think that the world has no use for Adobe Creative Suite. I know that many folks would not be able to get their work done without the full fledged versions of Photoshop, Illustrator, and InDesign. However, I’ll attest to being one happy motherfucker when I realize I don’t need their crap on my system any more. That, my friends, is a good feeling.

Posted in Adobe, Apple, Douchebaggery, Jackassery, Rants, Software, Technology | No Comments »

Notes From The “My MacBook is too fragile” Bullshit Pile

April 18th, 2009

So, another dumbass, this one named Jeannine, decided to post on MyBiggestComplaint.com about how their MacBook was only dropped a few times:

My macbook screen cracked, too. It has been dropped a couple of times, but nothing major. I also have a PC laptop that has been through much more and it has no damage. I have read many, many complaints about the MacBook screens being very delicate. As much as I love my MacBook, I am really disappointed witht the quality of the shell and screen. To fix this, I have found it will be approximately $800 or more. If these MacBooks are going to have these problems, they really should be able to fix these for much less. I am having to decide between fixing it and paying that ridiculous amount, trying to fix it myself with on line tutorials and a screen purchased from e-bay or just buying a new Mac. If so many people are having these problems, why aren’t they being addressed by Mac?

Aside from the simple fact that Mac makes MAKEUP and Apple makes COMPUTERS you dumb bitch, I decided to reply on the page with this amazingly relevant piece:

After dropping my baby daughter a couple of times, nothing major, she has a bunch of medical problems and learning disabilities. I also have a son who was dropped WAY more often and he has no problems at all. As much as I love my daughter, I’m really disappointed with the quality of the female gender’s infant state. To fix this, I’ve found it will be thousands of dollars per month for medical care and supervision. If these babies are going to have these problems, they really should be able to be disposed of more easily. I am having to decide between putting up with her issues, spending that ridiculous amount of money on medical care, trying to fix her myself with tutorials from WebMD and Wikipedia, and putting her in a trash can and trying for another boy. If so many people are having these problems, why aren’t they being addressed by God?

Seriously people. The way you treat your computers, when viewed in the context of the way you treat your infant children, is completely unacceptable. Treat your computer as you would a newborn child and you will rarely have a problem with it. Shit is unavoidable sometimes. You could have a colicky baby and you could have a MacBook with a weird, intermittent fan problem. But when you drop your child and he ends up sounding like Barney Frank later in life, don’t blame it on someone else!

When you drop your damn computer, shit is going to go wrong with it! Back up your data, take it to a professional, and get it fixed as soon as possible. Most of the time, if you pay for a repair of the damage and everything else is certified as A-OK, anything that goes wrong down the road is covered under whatever warranty you have left on the machine (assuming you don’t fuck up and drop it again.) Try getting that guarantee out of your pediatrician!

Posted in Apple, Customer Service, Douchebaggery, Jackassery, Mac Stuff, Ramblings, Rants, Technology, WTF | No Comments »

The iPod Shuffle Costs Apple $22 to build. Stop Bitching and Build It Yourself

April 14th, 2009

I’m fucking tired of any douche pundit or supposed technology expert complaining about Apple marking up their music player that, according to someone who isn’t actually doing the work, cost Apple $22 in parts. This, according to BusinessWeek’s info from iSuppli, doesn’t include manufacturing labor, R&D, marketing, IP licensing, and anything else aside from the shit in the box.

So why is everyone complaining about their favorite (or not) company charging so much for the iPod Shuffle? If Apple doesn’t present the world with cupcakes and fucking sunshine every quarter, the stock tanks to shit and everyone is discussing how Apple is going to lose its place in the world’s music market. How does Apple get to the top of profit margins in the industry? Gouging the hell out of you while making you enjoy the gouging every step of the way. And I’m all for it.

Sure, the Shuffle takes a little bit of cash to build. But do you enjoy it? Did you think it was worth every penny you spent on it before you realized it was $22 in bits of Chinese garbage thrown together in a pretty machined aluminum case? Of course you did. Only now that your wallet feels betrayed by the marketing machine of Cupertino will you feign dismay at their overcharging you for the music player you use at the gym to flash at someone, hoping to get their attention.

To anyone who is complaining: shut your mouth and build one yourself. Asustek, or their spinoff company Pegatron, is making a killing assembling these things for Apple faster and better than any douche in the USA could do it for. And if they could, would you really want to pay $275 for a union-built, certified by Al Gore zero-emission iPod Shuffle? Not me.

(PS: I’m basing my Asustek assertion on the serial numbers I’ve seen of the new Shuffle. Foxconn may be building them, too, but as far as I know, the “4H” serial prefix was designated to Asustek.)

Posted in Apple, Douchebaggery, Jackassery, Rants, Technology, iPod | No Comments »