Archive for the ‘Customer Service’ Category

Flextronics RTS to Service Products in Microsoft Retail Stores

Friday, December 25th, 2009

According to job postings found on Craigslist, it appears that Microsoft is contracting with Flextronics RTS to provide on-site computer repair services at their newly-opened retail store in Mission Viejo.

According to the listings, these people will “provide computer services, such as hardware diagnostics and component replacement, data migration, virus removal, setup, and other offerings” that are “within the new retail location of a major software company”.

Here are screenshots of the Craigslist posting and a snippet of the Flextronics RTS listing (in case they are pulled):

I don’t think there are a boatload of major software companies with retail locations in Mission Viejo, unless I missed the Adobe Store walking through the mall earlier this week.

I think that this demonstrates Microsoft’s lack of comprehension of how Apple’s retail strategy has soared compared with the alternatives that were available when they opened in 2001.  Apple’s retail stores have actual Apple employees fixing Apple products.  Microsoft Stores will have employees of a third-party fixing computers made by others (running their OS, yes, but not their hardware) in their stores.  More layers of management and outsourcing will create an experience that is not nearly as cohesive and focused as that provided by the Apple Store a few hundred feet down the hall.

I understand that Apple sells third-party products in their stores, and that Apple doesn’t service those products at the Genius Bar.  But have you ever been to the Genius Bar with a non-Apple product?  Most of the time, they’ve been more than happy to take a look at the iPod alarm clock dock or whatever it is and see if it is an issue they could resolve (with the Apple product connected to it) or refer to the manufacturer for service if it is not.  But these speaker systems and alarm clocks aren’t Apple’s core products.  Microsoft’s core product is integrated into devices manufactured by others.

From what I’ve read, Microsoft’s EMS contractor for the Zune and Xbox is Flextronics, which might actually be a bright spot in this whole thing.  It may give Microsoft the flexibility they need to provide better service in-store for those products that they have direct control over.  I don’t think, though, that Xbox and Zune customers will be the bulk of Microsoft’s retail service encounters compared with the computers they will sell and ultimately, service.

Like every discussion on “building the whole widget” business philosophy, I’ll admit that it is not the only solution to getting your product out there. However, Apple has taken the integrated product, and now integrated retail business model to a level of success that nobody seems to be able to duplicate.

Apple’s Crappy Tech Support Didn’t Live Up To Its Reputation

Thursday, October 1st, 2009

I have had a really weird issue with a MacBook Pro battery of mine (one of two I always carry with me.)  It will occasionally drop it’s full charge capacity to the point where the computer says “Service Battery” or “Check Battery.”  I really didn’t want to go to my local Apple Store because, frankly, I don’t like listening to most of the fools who are in there wondering why their iPhone that got soaked in dog urine isn’t covered under warranty or their Bondi iMac can’t be repaired anymore.  It bugs the hell out of me.

Anyways, I decided that I’d have to call AppleCare: that dreaded multi-hour pastime that everyone on the internets has a horror story about.  Apple hates its customers and doesn’t actually want to fix things, right?  Good thing I have my attorney on speed dial, and he’s in the office, or else I would have to call back another free afternoon.

I remembered, though, that at some point, Apple had a feature where they would call YOU back after submitting a support request on the website.  Here’s the first thing I saw after logging into the Apple support site:

First window on Apple's support request site

Holy shit! Those evil bastards are tracking everything I own!  Oh, wait, I needed help, so I just clicked on my MacBook Pro and it took me to this next screen:

Second window on Apple's support request site

Why would they want to know what is going wrong with my computer?  They are just looking for ways to void my warranty.  Oh, wait, that might not be the best thing to say to the people who are helping me.  I put the relevant battery information from the system profiler into the area to describe the problem and hit continue.  I was then presented with this screen:

Third window on Apple's support request site

Those sons of bitches are trying to pawn the problem off until later or until I feel like calling them.  How dare they do anything but give me oral pleasure to ease my stress about this horrible problem.  Because I wanted my stuff fixed now, I clicked “Call me now” and waited.

It took them 20 FUCKING SECONDS to call me.  You know what else?  It took me 10 MINUTES on the phone talking to people to get my new battery shipped to me.  DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH BUSINESS I LOST BECAUSE OF THIS PROBLEM?  I want Apple to reimburse me for all of my lost work and downtime.  I want a fucking unicorn that poops little Steve Jobs action figures.  And I want a new computer because this one is a lemon.

Way to go Apple. Way to go…

In all seriousness, this took less time to complete than it would have taken me trying to FIND an appointment at whatever local Genius Bar had an opening.  And I’m sure it got taken care of WAY faster, too.

UPDATE 1 (2009-10-01 @ 17:22): HOW DARE APPLE SEND ME MY BATTERY FEDEX PRIORITY OVERNIGHT FOR DELIVERY BY 10:30AM TOMORROW.  THE SHIPMENT WAS PROCESSED WITHIN 30 MINUTES OF MY PHONE CALL!  I SAID I DIDN’T NEED IT IMMEDIATELY AND THAT I WAS ON VACATION! DON’T YOU LISTEN TO YOUR CUSTOMERS, APPLE?!

WedSafe Likes To Spam Non-Customers (And Customers)

Wednesday, May 20th, 2009

As you may recall from my post last August, which by the way is the #3 result on Google for “wedsafe“, the crooked fucks at WedSafe and Aon Insurance charged me around $200 for a policy they didn’t deliver and then lied about delivering it when I called them out on it.  Once I showed them (and the world) the irrefutable proof to the contrary on this site, they quickly backed down and refunded my money.  They knew full well they would lose in court, and I was ready to take it as far as I had to. One thing you don’t do is screw with people when they are getting married. That kind of shit gets people the special places in hell, and WedSafe’s management team will certainly be in the warmer beds of Lucifer’s palace.

Fast forward to March 11 of this year.  I get this email:

wedsafespam

I don’t remember ever signing up for WedSafe marketing emails, and if you want to get all lawyery technical about it, this would seem to be a violation of any junk email laws that are still on the books, if any.  Not only do they like to take your money and close up shop for the weekend before giving you the product you paid for, they like to send you unsolicited advertising too.

I especially like the statement at the bottom that reads “This message is intended only for the addressee and may contain information that is confidential or privileged. Unauthorized use is strictly prohibited and may be unlawful.”  Well, I didn’t sign the contract agreeing to those terms.  I will, however, take them up on their offer to “Do a friend a favor…” and ”… forward this message…” to the rest of the world so they can see what a bunch of crooked shamming bastards they really are over at WedSafe.

Please, do yourself or a friend a real favor: tell them to not give the people at WedSafe any of their hard-earned money.

Notes From The “My MacBook is too fragile” Bullshit Pile

Saturday, April 18th, 2009

So, another dumbass, this one named Jeannine, decided to post on MyBiggestComplaint.com about how their MacBook was only dropped a few times:

My macbook screen cracked, too. It has been dropped a couple of times, but nothing major. I also have a PC laptop that has been through much more and it has no damage. I have read many, many complaints about the MacBook screens being very delicate. As much as I love my MacBook, I am really disappointed witht the quality of the shell and screen. To fix this, I have found it will be approximately $800 or more. If these MacBooks are going to have these problems, they really should be able to fix these for much less. I am having to decide between fixing it and paying that ridiculous amount, trying to fix it myself with on line tutorials and a screen purchased from e-bay or just buying a new Mac. If so many people are having these problems, why aren’t they being addressed by Mac?

Aside from the simple fact that Mac makes MAKEUP and Apple makes COMPUTERS you dumb bitch, I decided to reply on the page with this amazingly relevant piece:

After dropping my baby daughter a couple of times, nothing major, she has a bunch of medical problems and learning disabilities. I also have a son who was dropped WAY more often and he has no problems at all. As much as I love my daughter, I’m really disappointed with the quality of the female gender’s infant state. To fix this, I’ve found it will be thousands of dollars per month for medical care and supervision. If these babies are going to have these problems, they really should be able to be disposed of more easily. I am having to decide between putting up with her issues, spending that ridiculous amount of money on medical care, trying to fix her myself with tutorials from WebMD and Wikipedia, and putting her in a trash can and trying for another boy. If so many people are having these problems, why aren’t they being addressed by God?

Seriously people.  The way you treat your computers, when viewed in the context of the way you treat your infant children, is completely unacceptable.  Treat your computer as you would a newborn child and you will rarely have a problem with it.  Shit is unavoidable sometimes.  You could have a colicky baby and you could have a MacBook with a weird, intermittent fan problem.  But when you drop your child and he ends up sounding like Barney Frank later in life, don’t blame it on someone else!

When you drop your damn computer, shit is going to go wrong with it!  Back up your data, take it to a professional, and get it fixed as soon as possible.  Most of the time, if you pay for a repair of the damage and everything else is certified as A-OK, anything that goes wrong down the road is covered under whatever warranty you have left on the machine (assuming you don’t fuck up and drop it again.)  Try getting that guarantee out of your pediatrician!

Hey Assholes: Stop Abusing Your MacBook Airs!

Monday, March 2nd, 2009

Like most people who beat the shit out of their expensive electronics, when it breaks, these douchebags immediately cry about a line-wide defect necessitating a class action lawsuit.

Never mind the fact that I’ve, since the age of 14 (13 years ago, for those counting) lived out of PowerBooks from the Duo 270c on up and NEVER NOT ONCE had a broken hinge despite my not-always-nice treatment of my equipment.  Never mind the fact that the MacBook Air was the first of Apple’s portable computers to use the block-of-aluminum manufacturing technique to increase structural stability.  Never mind the fact that I saw a guy at a Starbucks walking around holding his MacBook Air BY THE SCREEN when his hinge did just what the whiny tools at Engadget are saying (at the submitter’s request, I suppose) is a defect.  The other thing I’ve seen cause the MacBook Air hinge to do just that is just plain pushing the screen back real fast, real hard and ignoring the METAL ON METAL TENSION that would cause normal people to stop pushing the goddamned screen back.  Push too hard, and *SNAP*.

Next thing you know is a class action lawsuit against Apple for not making the Unibody MacBook line strong enough to take impacts from a 5 foot drop because, you know, they’re built stronger and should be able to hold up to “normal use.”  Kind of like the human knee not being able to extend 270 degrees.  I smell a class action lawsuit against God…

Lifetime Memory, Inspired By America’s Divorce Rate

Monday, February 9th, 2009

failedram

Lifetime Memory, one year warranty. EPIC FAIL.

People I Hate: God’s Gift to PR (or: why you shouldn’t spam people who have a voice)

Thursday, December 18th, 2008

I was going to write about how Lois Whitman’s clients should not be supporting her idiotic, blatantly unethical, and bitchy ways.

Problem is, I think her server got nuked from all of the bad publicity.  Way to go, genius.  I bet you are going to be happy with all of the bloggers and tweeters talking about your ugly ass.

One more reason I don’t buy Seagate hard drives…

Thursday, December 4th, 2008

So, my grandma’s iBook G4 has taken another crap.  This time, the hard disk I installed a couple years back has taken a nosedive.  In 2006, I figured Seagate was a decent bet, since they have a 5 year warranty on their products, and I’ve had moderate luck with them overall in the past.  BAD IDEA.

So, forward to this week.  I get her new printer set up, life is good, even though I had to install HP’s shitty drivers on her computer.  Hard disk poops.  Well, the drive is still squeezing, but it’s straining hard, and it’s gonna pop a roid if it doesn’t get dealt with soon.  Earlier in the week, I try to set up an RMA on Seagate’s website, but the RMA function is dead.  Whatever, just maintenance.  Just a minute ago, I go to set up an advance replacement, and what do I see?

Seagate, the #1 hard disk manufacturer charges $20 do do the same thing I’m doing now, but in a different order than how I’m doing it now.  See, if I send them my dead piece of shit, they’ll send me a working one for free within 3-7 days.  But if I want to get a piece of shit first, but then send them the dead one afterwards (oh, I don’t know, to save labor and downtime on only having to strip the iBook once) they charge $20.  Given, they do include a return shipping label for that $20 fee, which is worth about $4 or $5 with the USPS.  Regardless of the order that this RMA is processed, they get a dead drive back, they have to send me a replacement and include packing materials.  So, I revise my previous statement.  They charge me $20 for a shipping label that costs them $4 or $5, but probably less because they likely get preferred rates from their shipping company du jour (which probably isn’t DHL since they went out of business despite hiring the bottom-of-the-barrel ex-con delivery people at likely criminal wages.  Another rant for another day, though.)

Yet another reason to buy Western Digital drives.  They do not charge for advance-replacement; they put a hold on the card, but only charge if you keep the broken turd you supposedly don’t need anymore.  Western Digital has class-leading performance with the Caviar Black, class-creating ingenuity with the Caviar Green, and capacity-leading portable drives with the Scorpio Blue.  There’s nothing not to like about WDC, except that some drives have a 3 year warranty and others have a 5 year warranty.

For the record: Samsung has a 500GB with 3 platters, compared with 2 on WDC’s, which means the Koreans might be good at cramming lots of glass and metal into itty bitty living space, but the Indian guys over at WDC got better areal density, and hence faster drives with fewer moving parts to break.  I’ve never had a Western Digital drive fail on me, personally, but I’ve also never had a Samsung drive fail either.  I’ve got a 3.5″ 120GB 5400RPM Samsung ATA drive that’s over 6 years old and still kicking, and I had a 2.5″ 120GB Samsung 5400 RPM ATA drive for my PowerBook G4 that worked like a charm, too, until I sold it.  Samsung’s RMA policy was unclear for a long time, until recently, which is why I shied away from their drives.  I have nothing against Samsung at the current time.

Back to the point: Seagate (having bought Maxtor, the shittiest drive maker EVER, and Maxtor having inherited the title from Quantum whom they purchased back in the day) is not impressing me with their RMA service at all.  I guess it doesn’t matter anymore about their RMA service since they fixed that nasty problem with all their 1.5TB drives. Now if only I had a computer that worked with their firmware updater

Adobe firing 600 people, sucking harder than ever

Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008

Adobe, one of my favorite and least favorite companies, is laying off 600 people and not exhibiting on the show floor of Macworld San Francisco 2009.  It’s amazing how a company that had amazing products like the blessed Photoshop 3.0.5 can become the company with the Creative Suite 4 Whizbang Ultimate Orgazmo Edition (for $2499.)  Someone point them to Wikipedia for an economics refresher.

I’d say the first sign of the shit hitting the fan at Adobe was when Apple owned their ass with Final Cut Pro back in the late 90s.  Kinda amusing, since Apple bought the basis for Final Cut from Macromedia, the creator of the Flash software that Adobe recently absorbed.  The second sign of doom was when Adobe decided it was better to ship crap for $1299 then roll bug fixes into the next release version of their dreck for only $399 to upgrade.

Quark used to be the butt of every customer support joke in the biz, but Adobe is determined to get to #1 in that area, too.  By God, if Adobe can squander their lead with InDesign and give the market back to Quark, while at the same time, crapping on enough loyal supporters to build enough hatred not to upgrade to CS4 from CS3, they might just go under.

I can only hope that Apple has another trick up their sleeve; something in image editing, something that would tie together with Aperture beautifully and make Photoshop look like the bloated 20-year-old crapware it is.  Cross your fingers folks. This could get interesting.

Time Warner and RoadRunner Suck Balls

Friday, November 21st, 2008

EPIC FAIL:

To: drunkentech@gmail.com
From: Mail Administrator <Postmaster@rrsecurity-abuse.com>
Reply-To: <Postmaster@rrsecurity-abuse.com>
Subject: Mail System Error – Returned Mail
Date: Fri, 21 Nov 2008 15:33:28 -0500

This Message was undeliverable due to the following reason:

The user(s) account is temporarily over quota.

<abuse-desk@rrsecurity-abuse.com>

Please reply to <Postmaster@rrsecurity-abuse.com> if you feel this message to be in error.

–===========================_ _= 8772888(331)1227299608

Content-Type: message/delivery-status

Reporting-MTA: dns; rrcs-fep-03.hrndva.rr.com

Arrival-Date: Fri, 21 Nov 2008 15:33:28 -0500

Received-From-MTA: dns; rrcs-mgw-02b.hrndva.rr.com (172.28.193.155)

Final-Recipient: RFC822; <abuse-desk@rrsecurity-abuse.com>

Action: failed

Status: 4.2.2

From: Ian <drunkentech@drunkentech.com>
To: abuse-desk@rrsecurity-abuse.com
Subject: Contact Us
Date: Fri, 21 Nov 2008 12:33:22 -0800

I’ve had an intrusion attempt from a customer on your network.

Nov 21 12:26:15 fatmac com.apple.SecurityServer[26]: getpwnam() failed for user laura, creating invalid credential
Nov 21 12:26:15: — last message repeated 1 time —
Nov 21 12:26:15 fatmac com.apple.SecurityServer[26]: Failed to authorize right system.login.tty by client /usr/sbin/sshd for authorization created by /usr/sbin/sshd.
Nov 21 12:26:15 fatmac sshd[131]: error: PAM: Authentication failure for illegal user laura from rrcs-97-76-164-202.se.biz.rr.com
Nov 21 12:26:15 fatmac sshd[131]: Failed keyboard-interactive/pam for invalid user laura from 97.76.164.202 port 43476 ssh2

Thanks for addressing this problem with your affected customer.
——————————————
Ian, The DrunkenTech
drunkentech@drunkentech.com