Archive for the ‘Douchebaggery’ Category

I Fucking Hate Adobe

Wednesday, April 29th, 2009

Like most folks in their mid- to late-20s, I’ve at some point used copies of Adobe’s software that was not necessarily purchased legitimately.  I know, I know, you’re shocked and dismayed.  Over the past year, I’ve made a point to do two things: get legitimate licenses to every piece of software on my system AND not have any Adobe shit installed on my system.  I’ve succeeded with the first, and have succeeded as much as possible with the second.

Let’s get this out of the way: Adobe’s software used to be pretty fucking cool.  And in some ways, it still is.  I have wet dreams about running Photoshop 3.0.5 on an 8-core Nehalem Mac Pro with 32GB of RAM filled with Velociraptor drives and Quadro cards because that would be the best photo editing setup EVER MADE.  PS3 was quite simply the best mix of features, size, speed, and stability of any version of Photoshop I can remember.  Since that point, it has only gotten worse.  And since that point, Adobe’s licensing bullshit has gotten astronomically worse.

I’ll say that I work in a direct customer-facing position where my job is to support my employer’s products.  Because of the nature of the job, and the customers, it has become incumbent on myself and my coworkers to support EVERY OTHER COMPANY’S PRODUCTS if is can so much as be imagined to interface with my employer’s products.  I have the utter joy of explaining to a customer why their $1500 Creative Suite 2 installation won’t work properly on an Intel Mac and why Adobe’s activation scheme, much like WGA, forces them to reactivate the software with a phone call whenever they pass gas.  This happens ALL THE TIME.

Lots of examples of Adobe’s bullshit can be had here, here, here, and especially here.

They have my ass in a corner when it comes to Flash.  I keep that shit updated because, as is evidenced by their Acrobat dev team’s skill, they can’t keep it together when it comes to zero-day arbitrary code execution vulnerabilities.  However, since Flash is necessary to use most of the intartubes, I use the glorious free ClickToFlash plugin for Safari/WebKit. Coupled with Safari AdBlock (yeah, I know it’s funny since I have Google Adsense on this site anyways) my web browsing experience is much less likely to cause a seizure and only loads Adobe’s goddamned Flash plug-in when I want it to be loaded.

I currently use Pixelmator, VectorDesigner, ChocoFlop, Graphic Converter, Aperture, VueScan, and Raw Photo Processor to work with the various images in my day-to-day life.  And while that may give you readers pause, let me tell you, it’s absolutely great not having to think about what shit is going to go down on my system the next time I launch a CS program.  Coupled with the fact that it’s all legitimately purchased software, I feel like I’ve been liberated from the shackles of Adobe.  Much like Linux users are supposed to feel when they rid themselves of Microsoft, except I’m actually getting shit done on my operating system.

I’m no so naïve as to think that the world has no use for Adobe Creative Suite. I know that many folks would not be able to get their work done without the full fledged versions of Photoshop, Illustrator, and InDesign.  However, I’ll attest to being one happy motherfucker when I realize I don’t need their crap on my system any more. That, my friends, is a good feeling.

Notes From The “My MacBook is too fragile” Bullshit Pile

Saturday, April 18th, 2009

So, another dumbass, this one named Jeannine, decided to post on MyBiggestComplaint.com about how their MacBook was only dropped a few times:

My macbook screen cracked, too. It has been dropped a couple of times, but nothing major. I also have a PC laptop that has been through much more and it has no damage. I have read many, many complaints about the MacBook screens being very delicate. As much as I love my MacBook, I am really disappointed witht the quality of the shell and screen. To fix this, I have found it will be approximately $800 or more. If these MacBooks are going to have these problems, they really should be able to fix these for much less. I am having to decide between fixing it and paying that ridiculous amount, trying to fix it myself with on line tutorials and a screen purchased from e-bay or just buying a new Mac. If so many people are having these problems, why aren’t they being addressed by Mac?

Aside from the simple fact that Mac makes MAKEUP and Apple makes COMPUTERS you dumb bitch, I decided to reply on the page with this amazingly relevant piece:

After dropping my baby daughter a couple of times, nothing major, she has a bunch of medical problems and learning disabilities. I also have a son who was dropped WAY more often and he has no problems at all. As much as I love my daughter, I’m really disappointed with the quality of the female gender’s infant state. To fix this, I’ve found it will be thousands of dollars per month for medical care and supervision. If these babies are going to have these problems, they really should be able to be disposed of more easily. I am having to decide between putting up with her issues, spending that ridiculous amount of money on medical care, trying to fix her myself with tutorials from WebMD and Wikipedia, and putting her in a trash can and trying for another boy. If so many people are having these problems, why aren’t they being addressed by God?

Seriously people.  The way you treat your computers, when viewed in the context of the way you treat your infant children, is completely unacceptable.  Treat your computer as you would a newborn child and you will rarely have a problem with it.  Shit is unavoidable sometimes.  You could have a colicky baby and you could have a MacBook with a weird, intermittent fan problem.  But when you drop your child and he ends up sounding like Barney Frank later in life, don’t blame it on someone else!

When you drop your damn computer, shit is going to go wrong with it!  Back up your data, take it to a professional, and get it fixed as soon as possible.  Most of the time, if you pay for a repair of the damage and everything else is certified as A-OK, anything that goes wrong down the road is covered under whatever warranty you have left on the machine (assuming you don’t fuck up and drop it again.)  Try getting that guarantee out of your pediatrician!

The iPod Shuffle Costs Apple $22 to build. Stop Bitching and Build It Yourself

Tuesday, April 14th, 2009

I’m fucking tired of any douche pundit or supposed technology expert complaining about Apple marking up their music player that, according to someone who isn’t actually doing the work, cost Apple $22 in parts.  This, according to BusinessWeek’s info from iSuppli, doesn’t include manufacturing labor, R&D, marketing, IP licensing, and anything else aside from the shit in the box.

So why is everyone complaining about their favorite (or not) company charging so much for the iPod Shuffle?  If Apple doesn’t present the world with cupcakes and fucking sunshine every quarter, the stock tanks to shit and everyone is discussing how Apple is going to lose its place in the world’s music market.  How does Apple get to the top of profit margins in the industry? Gouging the hell out of you while making you enjoy the gouging every step of the way.  And I’m all for it.

Sure, the Shuffle takes a little bit of cash to build.  But do you enjoy it?  Did you think it was worth every penny you spent on it before you realized it was $22 in bits of Chinese garbage thrown together in a pretty machined aluminum case?  Of course you did. Only now that your wallet feels betrayed by the marketing machine of Cupertino will you feign dismay at their overcharging you for the music player you use at the gym to flash at someone, hoping to get their attention.

To anyone who is complaining: shut your mouth and build one yourself.  Asustek, or their spinoff company Pegatron, is making a killing assembling these things for Apple faster and better than any douche in the USA could do it for.  And if they could, would you really want to pay $275 for a union-built, certified by Al Gore zero-emission iPod Shuffle?  Not me.

(PS: I’m basing my Asustek assertion on the serial numbers I’ve seen of the new Shuffle.  Foxconn may be building them, too, but as far as I know, the “4H” serial prefix was designated to Asustek.)

GoDaddy Kills Kittens (I Have Proof)

Tuesday, March 24th, 2009

OK, so I lied about the GoDaddy killing kittens thing.  I will say something that I do have proof of: GoDaddy is not a good deal for registering your domains.  Why? Let me tell you.

So, my wife does a little side business of wedding planning stuff and she wanted to get some domains.  We priced them out on my previous registrar of choice, GoDaddy.  $140 or so for the 4 domains for 3 years each.  Looking around for coupon codes got us a best price of right around $120.  Then, for giggles, I decided to price them out on DreamHost (my web host of choice.)  They are $9.95 each. Period. No coupon codes, no BS. Cheaper than GoDaddy.

Now, I could have received DIRT CHEAP domains by buying into GoDaddy’s crappy hosting or even crappier email services, but why would I spend more money to get a discount if all I’m getting out of it is a lighter wallet, more crap, and the domain I wanted?  Good question.

Sooooooo, I’ve decided to bail on GoDaddy.  Good riddance to their crap infested site and shady small-print marketing techniques. Imagine how cheap their domains would be if they didn’t waste resources with all of their stupid flashy animations or actresses who have to pay for breast implants.

The other thing I hate about GoDaddy, just to pile it on, is that if you make ANY change to your domain aside from unlocking it, they put a transfer hold on it for 60 days.  Good job Mr. Diligent Domain Owner for correcting a typo in your address before posting your domains for sale.  You just screwed yourself for 2 months!  Yeah, Bob Parsons is a twit, and his way of making money is kinda like trying to get your rebate from Best Buy: make it just hard enough that most people will give up and keep writing checks.  Way to go, jackass.

FUCK APPLE

Saturday, March 14th, 2009

http://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2009/03/apple-adds-still-more-drm-ipod-shuffle

EDIT 2009-03-18:
It would seem that Apple has not restricted so much as made the documentation available only to those who wish to properly license the “Made for iPod” certification mark on their products.  Assuming nobody C&Ds independent manufacturers of headphones who reverse engineer but don’t infringe on the certification mark, I’m not against this.  Sorry for the alarm.

Hey Assholes: Stop Abusing Your MacBook Airs!

Monday, March 2nd, 2009

Like most people who beat the shit out of their expensive electronics, when it breaks, these douchebags immediately cry about a line-wide defect necessitating a class action lawsuit.

Never mind the fact that I’ve, since the age of 14 (13 years ago, for those counting) lived out of PowerBooks from the Duo 270c on up and NEVER NOT ONCE had a broken hinge despite my not-always-nice treatment of my equipment.  Never mind the fact that the MacBook Air was the first of Apple’s portable computers to use the block-of-aluminum manufacturing technique to increase structural stability.  Never mind the fact that I saw a guy at a Starbucks walking around holding his MacBook Air BY THE SCREEN when his hinge did just what the whiny tools at Engadget are saying (at the submitter’s request, I suppose) is a defect.  The other thing I’ve seen cause the MacBook Air hinge to do just that is just plain pushing the screen back real fast, real hard and ignoring the METAL ON METAL TENSION that would cause normal people to stop pushing the goddamned screen back.  Push too hard, and *SNAP*.

Next thing you know is a class action lawsuit against Apple for not making the Unibody MacBook line strong enough to take impacts from a 5 foot drop because, you know, they’re built stronger and should be able to hold up to “normal use.”  Kind of like the human knee not being able to extend 270 degrees.  I smell a class action lawsuit against God…

Silverlight Video: A Glimpse of Things to Come With Obama

Monday, January 19th, 2009

As has been discussed already through most of the internets by now, the Presidential Inaugural Committee has selected Microsoft’s Silverlight as the technology of choice for streaming video of the inauguration on the interwebs.  This has two big things to say about Obama.

  1. Obama is more than happy to use inferior, under-adopted technology when the costs associated with its use are being underwritten by a large company that probably had a lot of wealthy, liberal donors give money to him.  I’m sure that Adobe and Apple also have lots of wealthy, liberal donors that gave Obama money as well, but it looks like Microsoft greased the wheels a little better than the competition. Surely, better options for streaming video content to a wider variety of platforms was available, right?  (Oh, and Moonlight doesn’t count.)  
  2. See, with Silverlight, unless you’re running Windows XP or Vista, or OS X on an Intel Mac, you’re not going to watch his inauguration on the internet.  What about all of those poor children with Linux-powered netbooks?  They’ll have to use their televisions to watch. Thank goodness the DTV switch hasn’t happened yet, because I’m sure they don’t have the money to buy their converter box, with the government running out of coupons and all.
     
    What I’m getting at is that Obama really isn’t about inclusiveness or bringing people together, despite his hippie communist rhetoric.  He’s just another politician pandering to the sources of money that will keep flowing as long as he needs them to.  Poor people don’t give you money, but they give you votes.  Once you’ve got their votes, you don’t need them again for another 4 years.  Who gives a rats ass if they can’t watch your swearing in? You’ve got the cash cow to milk now, and in 3.5 years or so, he’ll start making promises about jobs, health care, and tax refunds (for those who don’t pay taxes) again.  Woo!

Sure, I’m a cynic about Obama.  But I’m not about to bend over an take bad behavior because the first black guy is taking office and it’s “historical” and should be embraced.  Bad policy is bad policy, and affirmative action in the White House is a bad fucking idea, no matter who the recipient of the preferential treatment is.

Seagate’s drive engineers inspired by IBM; want a world record for hard disk failure rate

Thursday, January 15th, 2009

So, I’ve seen a good number of shitty Seagate 7200.11 3.5″ SATA hard disks recently, and I’m especially nervous because my 2×500 RAID1′s backup is a 1TB Seagate 7200.11.

I just read on XLR8YourMac.com that a lot of folks are having their RAIDs decimated by these Seagate drives, and The Register also has some reporting on it.  I’m a bit nervous, so much so that I’m probably going to pick up a Western Digital Caviar Black 1TB in the next couple of weeks.  All of this crap reminds me of the good old IBM/Hitachi 75GXP DeathStar.  I don’t think that the Seagates are experiencing the same mode of failure, but a bunch of dead hard drives are still a bunch of dead hard drives.

Looks like I’m gonna be phasing out my remaining Seagate drives unless Western Digital pulls some epic fail out of their ass.

People I Hate: God’s Gift to PR (or: why you shouldn’t spam people who have a voice)

Thursday, December 18th, 2008

I was going to write about how Lois Whitman’s clients should not be supporting her idiotic, blatantly unethical, and bitchy ways.

Problem is, I think her server got nuked from all of the bad publicity.  Way to go, genius.  I bet you are going to be happy with all of the bloggers and tweeters talking about your ugly ass.

Upgrade to Vista… to use these speakers!

Wednesday, December 10th, 2008

So I was screwing around looking at Windows Vista information and stumbled upon this little gem on Microsoft’s website:

 

Click to see full image...

Click to see full image...

I began to channel my inner rant-mongerer instantly:

See, I’m a trendy twentysomething and I hang out with all of the other metrosexuals with nothing better to do at the Gateway Apple Store trolling for whatever it is I troll for, and I was inspired by the artful design of some speaker set designed by a European with a name I cannot pronounce from a country I didn’t know existed.  I want to hook it up to my (shhhh…) Dell laptop, but it is running Windows XP.  I didn’t realize that even though the audio out jack thing that looks like a headphone plug needed Windows Vista to be compatible with these EuroFab ButtPlug Bass Thump Pro speakers, even though it looks like it should just plug in.  Thanks Microsoft for enlightening me!

I realized that I did want to upgrade my computer to run Windows Vista.  See, even though my current computer has an audio-out jack, I want to get the best performance out of its sound capabilities.  I hope Vista’s performance will be OK on it:

 

Click to see full image...

Click to see full image...

And yes, children, the Macintosh SE/30 (the best little all-in-one Apple ever made) did have the same audio out jack your MacBook has on the left side.  Amazing, isn’t it!  To think, we had to wait all these years for Vista to unlock its full potential!