Archive for the ‘Jackassery’ Category

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Drugs and Literature: An App Store Primer

Monday, July 20th, 2009

I am a proponent of the legalization of marijuana. I differ from many fellow conservative Republicans who believe that the devil’s weed is just that: far worse than alcohol and it’s a slippery slope.  Now, I don’t believe that kids should be able to walk into a dispensary and get an eighth because he’s got a “headache” but I also don’t think that a kid should walk into a liquor store and get a 40oz. malt liquor, either.

Let’s review a recent addition to the app store: Cannabis.  The app allows you to find the nearest dispensary in locations where marijuana has been decriminalized.  Currently, Apple has rated this program 12+ for “infrequent/mild” drug use or references.  Personally, I think that telling a 13 year old where to find marijuana, even if he/she cannot purchase it, is probably not a fantastic idea.  Here’s the screenshot if you’re still not sure:

cannabis

Let’s compare this rating to another app on the App Store: Eucalyptus.  This app, because you are able to access “obscene” texts from Project Gutenberg, has a rating of 17+.  Essentially, even if you’re a minor and reading a PHYSICAL book that Apple considers to be a 17+ bit of content, you have to get parental permission first before running this app on your iPod or iPhone. Even if the kid already has the printed version in his or her hands.  Here’s the screenshot:

eucalyptus

Just thought I’d throw some more fuel on the fire that is raging about how apps are rated by Apple and why developers are pulling their goddamn hair out trying to find any sort of logic or consistency.  I don’t envy them at all.  Not one bit.

Posted in App Store, Apple, Douchebaggery, Jackassery, JesusPhone, Ramblings, Software, Technology, WTF, iPhone, iPod, iTunes | No Comments »

AT&T’s iPhone Exclusivity: It Doesn’t Suck

Monday, July 20th, 2009

OK, so you are probably thinking that I’m a complete douche for the title of this article, but I’d like to argue my point in a slightly coherent manner for a minute or two.

FIRST: AT&T has the biggest GSM network in the country.  I’ve seen T-Mobile carts selling unlocked iPhones or offer to unlock your iPhone for you for free with purchase of service. Despite their desire to attract folks to their service, T-Mobile still sucks compared with AT&T in my experience.  I’m sure this varies by geography, but the vast majority of folks I’ve spoken with have shared similar experiences, and even my own T-Mobile prepaid SIM gets worse coverage in my W810i than AT&T did before I switched to the iPhone.

SECOND: I consider it pretty unlikely that Apple would build a CDMA version of the iPhone for use within the United States on either Verizon or Sprint and VERY limited use outside of the United States. Building a GSM phone is much smarter, economically speaking, because it works in almost every country with a mobile phone provider.  I’m not going to give you percentages of GSM vs. CDMA, but outside of the US, CDMA is almost worthless.  Plus, it looks like both Verizon and AT&T are going to be moving their networks to 4G LTE technology.

THIRD: The rumor mill is stating that Apple is building a custom version of the iPhone for China that lacks a wifi chipset under pressure from the Chinese government.  I’m not confident that Apple would go so far as to make a nationally-tailored version of the iPhone without wifi.  However, the market in China is much larger in terms of raw population, and may in fact be larger than many major wireless markets currently served by the single physical iPhone build currently being sold.  Regardless of that, wouldn’t it be easier to build, test, and qualify a device with one component removed (that little Broadcom wifi chipset) than with a completely different radio with new and varied characteristics?  This version neutered for Chinese consumption seems much more plausible than the CDMA device, but I still think it’s probably BS. But what do I know.

The main thing I have with all of these dumbfuck technology pundits is that nobody seems to realize that Apple has carefully chosen its preferred wireless carriers based on their common network characteristics: GSM.  Even in Japan, they chose to work with SoftBank instead of NTT DoCoMo because DoCoMo doesn’t operate a GSM standard network.  For Apple to switch carriers to anyone other than T-Mobile (in the US market) would create a fuckload of implementation problems that are completely isolated to the US market. And, I’m sure Apple has studied this, T-Mobile’s network kinda blows.  AT&T is no fucking gem of an operator, but the realistic alternatives are no better.

Posted in Apple, Douchebaggery, Jackassery, JesusPhone, Phones, Ramblings, Rants, Technology, WTF, iPhone | No Comments »

I Hate Lazy Graphic Designers

Saturday, June 27th, 2009

Why do I hate lazy graphic/type designers?  Because I’ve been seeing shit tons of ads on USA for Royal Pains while I’m watching Burn Notice, and they always show this shitty Futura-looking logotype:

royalpains

And I can’t get it out of my head that some designer at the USA Network is cheating on his wife with an ExxonMobil branding specialist.  There’s no fucking way it’s a coincidence that there’s modified “X” form in the same font of each logotype:

exxonmobil

FUCK ME. The more I look at these two logos the more I want to murder people. I know I’m not a trained, certified, hipster graphic artist, but for the love of Christ, do some research before submitting your work!

UPDATE: A friend informed me that the typeface to be angry about is Avant Garde, not Futura.  He also looks like he should be featured on “Look At This Fucking Hipster.”

Posted in Douchebaggery, Graphic Design, Jackassery, Rants, Typography | No Comments »

Looks like my next MacBook Pro will have a 17-inch screen

Tuesday, June 9th, 2009

Because Apple has neutered the 15-inch models with an SD card reader instead of something, oh I don’t know, professional like a FUCKING EXPRESSCARD SLOT.

And just because enough people bitched about FireWire being stripped from the 13-inch portables doesn’t mean you can add it back on, praise it like a gift from Jesus, and call it a “pro” portable when it has integrated video.

And maybe I’m just a bit cynical when I say that Apple is looking to have more retail shelf space available by not stocking spare batteries because STEVE JOBS SAYS YOU DON’T NEED A SPARE BATTERY ANYMORE. YOU’LL LIKE THIS ONE JUST FINE.

But people will buy them, and a few of us will be sitting in the corner bitching about lack of options.  Bleh.

Posted in Apple, Douchebaggery, Jackassery, Mac Stuff, Rants, Technology, WTF | No Comments »

WedSafe Likes To Spam Non-Customers (And Customers)

Wednesday, May 20th, 2009

As you may recall from my post last August, which by the way is the #3 result on Google for “wedsafe“, the crooked fucks at WedSafe and Aon Insurance charged me around $200 for a policy they didn’t deliver and then lied about delivering it when I called them out on it.  Once I showed them (and the world) the irrefutable proof to the contrary on this site, they quickly backed down and refunded my money.  They knew full well they would lose in court, and I was ready to take it as far as I had to. One thing you don’t do is screw with people when they are getting married. That kind of shit gets people the special places in hell, and WedSafe’s management team will certainly be in the warmer beds of Lucifer’s palace.

Fast forward to March 11 of this year.  I get this email:

wedsafespam

I don’t remember ever signing up for WedSafe marketing emails, and if you want to get all lawyery technical about it, this would seem to be a violation of any junk email laws that are still on the books, if any.  Not only do they like to take your money and close up shop for the weekend before giving you the product you paid for, they like to send you unsolicited advertising too.

I especially like the statement at the bottom that reads “This message is intended only for the addressee and may contain information that is confidential or privileged. Unauthorized use is strictly prohibited and may be unlawful.”  Well, I didn’t sign the contract agreeing to those terms.  I will, however, take them up on their offer to “Do a friend a favor…” and ”… forward this message…” to the rest of the world so they can see what a bunch of crooked shamming bastards they really are over at WedSafe.

Please, do yourself or a friend a real favor: tell them to not give the people at WedSafe any of their hard-earned money.

Posted in Customer Service, Douchebaggery, Fraud, Jackassery, Money, Rants, WTF | No Comments »

Trent Reznor, I Love You

Monday, May 4th, 2009

http://forum.nin.com/bb/read.php?9,651569,651569#msg-651569

Posted in Apple, Douchebaggery, Jackassery, JesusPhone, Rants, Software, Technology, WTF, iPhone, iTunes | No Comments »

I Fucking Hate Adobe

Wednesday, April 29th, 2009

Like most folks in their mid- to late-20s, I’ve at some point used copies of Adobe’s software that was not necessarily purchased legitimately.  I know, I know, you’re shocked and dismayed.  Over the past year, I’ve made a point to do two things: get legitimate licenses to every piece of software on my system AND not have any Adobe shit installed on my system.  I’ve succeeded with the first, and have succeeded as much as possible with the second.

Let’s get this out of the way: Adobe’s software used to be pretty fucking cool.  And in some ways, it still is.  I have wet dreams about running Photoshop 3.0.5 on an 8-core Nehalem Mac Pro with 32GB of RAM filled with Velociraptor drives and Quadro cards because that would be the best photo editing setup EVER MADE.  PS3 was quite simply the best mix of features, size, speed, and stability of any version of Photoshop I can remember.  Since that point, it has only gotten worse.  And since that point, Adobe’s licensing bullshit has gotten astronomically worse.

I’ll say that I work in a direct customer-facing position where my job is to support my employer’s products.  Because of the nature of the job, and the customers, it has become incumbent on myself and my coworkers to support EVERY OTHER COMPANY’S PRODUCTS if is can so much as be imagined to interface with my employer’s products.  I have the utter joy of explaining to a customer why their $1500 Creative Suite 2 installation won’t work properly on an Intel Mac and why Adobe’s activation scheme, much like WGA, forces them to reactivate the software with a phone call whenever they pass gas.  This happens ALL THE TIME.

Lots of examples of Adobe’s bullshit can be had here, here, here, and especially here.

They have my ass in a corner when it comes to Flash.  I keep that shit updated because, as is evidenced by their Acrobat dev team’s skill, they can’t keep it together when it comes to zero-day arbitrary code execution vulnerabilities.  However, since Flash is necessary to use most of the intartubes, I use the glorious free ClickToFlash plugin for Safari/WebKit. Coupled with Safari AdBlock (yeah, I know it’s funny since I have Google Adsense on this site anyways) my web browsing experience is much less likely to cause a seizure and only loads Adobe’s goddamned Flash plug-in when I want it to be loaded.

I currently use Pixelmator, VectorDesigner, ChocoFlop, Graphic Converter, Aperture, VueScan, and Raw Photo Processor to work with the various images in my day-to-day life.  And while that may give you readers pause, let me tell you, it’s absolutely great not having to think about what shit is going to go down on my system the next time I launch a CS program.  Coupled with the fact that it’s all legitimately purchased software, I feel like I’ve been liberated from the shackles of Adobe.  Much like Linux users are supposed to feel when they rid themselves of Microsoft, except I’m actually getting shit done on my operating system.

I’m no so naïve as to think that the world has no use for Adobe Creative Suite. I know that many folks would not be able to get their work done without the full fledged versions of Photoshop, Illustrator, and InDesign.  However, I’ll attest to being one happy motherfucker when I realize I don’t need their crap on my system any more. That, my friends, is a good feeling.

Posted in Adobe, Apple, Douchebaggery, Jackassery, Rants, Software, Technology | No Comments »

Notes From The “My MacBook is too fragile” Bullshit Pile

Saturday, April 18th, 2009

So, another dumbass, this one named Jeannine, decided to post on MyBiggestComplaint.com about how their MacBook was only dropped a few times:

My macbook screen cracked, too. It has been dropped a couple of times, but nothing major. I also have a PC laptop that has been through much more and it has no damage. I have read many, many complaints about the MacBook screens being very delicate. As much as I love my MacBook, I am really disappointed witht the quality of the shell and screen. To fix this, I have found it will be approximately $800 or more. If these MacBooks are going to have these problems, they really should be able to fix these for much less. I am having to decide between fixing it and paying that ridiculous amount, trying to fix it myself with on line tutorials and a screen purchased from e-bay or just buying a new Mac. If so many people are having these problems, why aren’t they being addressed by Mac?

Aside from the simple fact that Mac makes MAKEUP and Apple makes COMPUTERS you dumb bitch, I decided to reply on the page with this amazingly relevant piece:

After dropping my baby daughter a couple of times, nothing major, she has a bunch of medical problems and learning disabilities. I also have a son who was dropped WAY more often and he has no problems at all. As much as I love my daughter, I’m really disappointed with the quality of the female gender’s infant state. To fix this, I’ve found it will be thousands of dollars per month for medical care and supervision. If these babies are going to have these problems, they really should be able to be disposed of more easily. I am having to decide between putting up with her issues, spending that ridiculous amount of money on medical care, trying to fix her myself with tutorials from WebMD and Wikipedia, and putting her in a trash can and trying for another boy. If so many people are having these problems, why aren’t they being addressed by God?

Seriously people.  The way you treat your computers, when viewed in the context of the way you treat your infant children, is completely unacceptable.  Treat your computer as you would a newborn child and you will rarely have a problem with it.  Shit is unavoidable sometimes.  You could have a colicky baby and you could have a MacBook with a weird, intermittent fan problem.  But when you drop your child and he ends up sounding like Barney Frank later in life, don’t blame it on someone else!

When you drop your damn computer, shit is going to go wrong with it!  Back up your data, take it to a professional, and get it fixed as soon as possible.  Most of the time, if you pay for a repair of the damage and everything else is certified as A-OK, anything that goes wrong down the road is covered under whatever warranty you have left on the machine (assuming you don’t fuck up and drop it again.)  Try getting that guarantee out of your pediatrician!

Posted in Apple, Customer Service, Douchebaggery, Jackassery, Mac Stuff, Ramblings, Rants, Technology, WTF | No Comments »

The iPod Shuffle Costs Apple $22 to build. Stop Bitching and Build It Yourself

Tuesday, April 14th, 2009

I’m fucking tired of any douche pundit or supposed technology expert complaining about Apple marking up their music player that, according to someone who isn’t actually doing the work, cost Apple $22 in parts.  This, according to BusinessWeek’s info from iSuppli, doesn’t include manufacturing labor, R&D, marketing, IP licensing, and anything else aside from the shit in the box.

So why is everyone complaining about their favorite (or not) company charging so much for the iPod Shuffle?  If Apple doesn’t present the world with cupcakes and fucking sunshine every quarter, the stock tanks to shit and everyone is discussing how Apple is going to lose its place in the world’s music market.  How does Apple get to the top of profit margins in the industry? Gouging the hell out of you while making you enjoy the gouging every step of the way.  And I’m all for it.

Sure, the Shuffle takes a little bit of cash to build.  But do you enjoy it?  Did you think it was worth every penny you spent on it before you realized it was $22 in bits of Chinese garbage thrown together in a pretty machined aluminum case?  Of course you did. Only now that your wallet feels betrayed by the marketing machine of Cupertino will you feign dismay at their overcharging you for the music player you use at the gym to flash at someone, hoping to get their attention.

To anyone who is complaining: shut your mouth and build one yourself.  Asustek, or their spinoff company Pegatron, is making a killing assembling these things for Apple faster and better than any douche in the USA could do it for.  And if they could, would you really want to pay $275 for a union-built, certified by Al Gore zero-emission iPod Shuffle?  Not me.

(PS: I’m basing my Asustek assertion on the serial numbers I’ve seen of the new Shuffle.  Foxconn may be building them, too, but as far as I know, the “4H” serial prefix was designated to Asustek.)

Posted in Apple, Douchebaggery, Jackassery, Rants, Technology, iPod | No Comments »

GoDaddy Kills Kittens (I Have Proof)

Tuesday, March 24th, 2009

OK, so I lied about the GoDaddy killing kittens thing.  I will say something that I do have proof of: GoDaddy is not a good deal for registering your domains.  Why? Let me tell you.

So, my wife does a little side business of wedding planning stuff and she wanted to get some domains.  We priced them out on my previous registrar of choice, GoDaddy.  $140 or so for the 4 domains for 3 years each.  Looking around for coupon codes got us a best price of right around $120.  Then, for giggles, I decided to price them out on DreamHost (my web host of choice.)  They are $9.95 each. Period. No coupon codes, no BS. Cheaper than GoDaddy.

Now, I could have received DIRT CHEAP domains by buying into GoDaddy’s crappy hosting or even crappier email services, but why would I spend more money to get a discount if all I’m getting out of it is a lighter wallet, more crap, and the domain I wanted?  Good question.

Sooooooo, I’ve decided to bail on GoDaddy.  Good riddance to their crap infested site and shady small-print marketing techniques. Imagine how cheap their domains would be if they didn’t waste resources with all of their stupid flashy animations or actresses who have to pay for breast implants.

The other thing I hate about GoDaddy, just to pile it on, is that if you make ANY change to your domain aside from unlocking it, they put a transfer hold on it for 60 days.  Good job Mr. Diligent Domain Owner for correcting a typo in your address before posting your domains for sale.  You just screwed yourself for 2 months!  Yeah, Bob Parsons is a twit, and his way of making money is kinda like trying to get your rebate from Best Buy: make it just hard enough that most people will give up and keep writing checks.  Way to go, jackass.

Posted in Douchebaggery, Jackassery, Rants, Technology | No Comments »

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