Archive for the ‘WTF’ Category

How To Set Up Your Own Child Prostitution Ring: A Primer

Thursday, September 10th, 2009

Too bad it’s an evil conservative white man who trapped poor unsuspecting liberal not-white people full of hope and change into giving him information on how to avoid taxes and trouble when importing underage girls from Central American countries for sex.

If not for us living in a post-racial country with the immaculate appointment of our Lord and Savior Barack Obama, this would have been a relevant and shocking video that every major news organization would be  running front and center as their lead.  Remember: if it was a conservative organization giving white people advice on importing boys for sex with men, there would be charges filed IMMEDIATELY for this heinous revelation.

ACORN provides the relevant info on sex trafficking on video here.

Yay for hope and change.  Too bad we can’t call people out on their bullshit without getting called racists.

Posted in Politics, Rants, WTF | No Comments »

Drugs and Literature: An App Store Primer

Monday, July 20th, 2009

I am a proponent of the legalization of marijuana. I differ from many fellow conservative Republicans who believe that the devil’s weed is just that: far worse than alcohol and it’s a slippery slope.  Now, I don’t believe that kids should be able to walk into a dispensary and get an eighth because he’s got a “headache” but I also don’t think that a kid should walk into a liquor store and get a 40oz. malt liquor, either.

Let’s review a recent addition to the app store: Cannabis.  The app allows you to find the nearest dispensary in locations where marijuana has been decriminalized.  Currently, Apple has rated this program 12+ for “infrequent/mild” drug use or references.  Personally, I think that telling a 13 year old where to find marijuana, even if he/she cannot purchase it, is probably not a fantastic idea.  Here’s the screenshot if you’re still not sure:

cannabis

Let’s compare this rating to another app on the App Store: Eucalyptus.  This app, because you are able to access “obscene” texts from Project Gutenberg, has a rating of 17+.  Essentially, even if you’re a minor and reading a PHYSICAL book that Apple considers to be a 17+ bit of content, you have to get parental permission first before running this app on your iPod or iPhone. Even if the kid already has the printed version in his or her hands.  Here’s the screenshot:

eucalyptus

Just thought I’d throw some more fuel on the fire that is raging about how apps are rated by Apple and why developers are pulling their goddamn hair out trying to find any sort of logic or consistency.  I don’t envy them at all.  Not one bit.

Posted in App Store, Apple, Douchebaggery, Jackassery, JesusPhone, Ramblings, Software, Technology, WTF, iPhone, iPod, iTunes | No Comments »

AT&T’s iPhone Exclusivity: It Doesn’t Suck

Monday, July 20th, 2009

OK, so you are probably thinking that I’m a complete douche for the title of this article, but I’d like to argue my point in a slightly coherent manner for a minute or two.

FIRST: AT&T has the biggest GSM network in the country.  I’ve seen T-Mobile carts selling unlocked iPhones or offer to unlock your iPhone for you for free with purchase of service. Despite their desire to attract folks to their service, T-Mobile still sucks compared with AT&T in my experience.  I’m sure this varies by geography, but the vast majority of folks I’ve spoken with have shared similar experiences, and even my own T-Mobile prepaid SIM gets worse coverage in my W810i than AT&T did before I switched to the iPhone.

SECOND: I consider it pretty unlikely that Apple would build a CDMA version of the iPhone for use within the United States on either Verizon or Sprint and VERY limited use outside of the United States. Building a GSM phone is much smarter, economically speaking, because it works in almost every country with a mobile phone provider.  I’m not going to give you percentages of GSM vs. CDMA, but outside of the US, CDMA is almost worthless.  Plus, it looks like both Verizon and AT&T are going to be moving their networks to 4G LTE technology.

THIRD: The rumor mill is stating that Apple is building a custom version of the iPhone for China that lacks a wifi chipset under pressure from the Chinese government.  I’m not confident that Apple would go so far as to make a nationally-tailored version of the iPhone without wifi.  However, the market in China is much larger in terms of raw population, and may in fact be larger than many major wireless markets currently served by the single physical iPhone build currently being sold.  Regardless of that, wouldn’t it be easier to build, test, and qualify a device with one component removed (that little Broadcom wifi chipset) than with a completely different radio with new and varied characteristics?  This version neutered for Chinese consumption seems much more plausible than the CDMA device, but I still think it’s probably BS. But what do I know.

The main thing I have with all of these dumbfuck technology pundits is that nobody seems to realize that Apple has carefully chosen its preferred wireless carriers based on their common network characteristics: GSM.  Even in Japan, they chose to work with SoftBank instead of NTT DoCoMo because DoCoMo doesn’t operate a GSM standard network.  For Apple to switch carriers to anyone other than T-Mobile (in the US market) would create a fuckload of implementation problems that are completely isolated to the US market. And, I’m sure Apple has studied this, T-Mobile’s network kinda blows.  AT&T is no fucking gem of an operator, but the realistic alternatives are no better.

Posted in Apple, Douchebaggery, Jackassery, JesusPhone, Phones, Ramblings, Rants, Technology, WTF, iPhone | No Comments »

Another Year, Another iPhone Launch…

Thursday, June 18th, 2009

Well, this is the 3rd iPhone launch that I’ll experience up close and personal. This time, however, I will not be involved in the bastardry and insanity that is waiting in line like a goddamned fool to get a phone.  No, I’m just going to take some pictures of the crowds whenever I feel like wandering over to the local Apple Store.

I don’t understand things like product launches drawing this kind of crowd.  Movies and concerts I get, but all of this hubbub for a piece of Chinese plastic that is WAY better designed, but not completely unlike other pieces of Chinese plastic to hit the market.  It’s insane, and I like it.  A LOT.

Don’t get me wrong: I own some Apple stock and I’d like to see it go up to the 160+ range this summer so I can sell off and relieve my debt ratio that has given me Goatse-like pains the past 2 years.  When Apple does well, it helps out the rest of the “Mac economy” so to speak, and I am just such a member of that economy.  More success is good.  Watching crazy douchebags break their credit cards doing it: priceless.

Just thought of something: they should sell the JesusPhone in vending machines at all Starbucks and Saddleback Church locations.  Please contact me so I can provide a mailing address for commission checks thankyouverymuch.

Posted in Apple, JesusPhone, Phones, Rants, WTF, iPhone | No Comments »

Looks like my next MacBook Pro will have a 17-inch screen

Tuesday, June 9th, 2009

Because Apple has neutered the 15-inch models with an SD card reader instead of something, oh I don’t know, professional like a FUCKING EXPRESSCARD SLOT.

And just because enough people bitched about FireWire being stripped from the 13-inch portables doesn’t mean you can add it back on, praise it like a gift from Jesus, and call it a “pro” portable when it has integrated video.

And maybe I’m just a bit cynical when I say that Apple is looking to have more retail shelf space available by not stocking spare batteries because STEVE JOBS SAYS YOU DON’T NEED A SPARE BATTERY ANYMORE. YOU’LL LIKE THIS ONE JUST FINE.

But people will buy them, and a few of us will be sitting in the corner bitching about lack of options.  Bleh.

Posted in Apple, Douchebaggery, Jackassery, Mac Stuff, Rants, Technology, WTF | No Comments »

WedSafe Likes To Spam Non-Customers (And Customers)

Wednesday, May 20th, 2009

As you may recall from my post last August, which by the way is the #3 result on Google for “wedsafe“, the crooked fucks at WedSafe and Aon Insurance charged me around $200 for a policy they didn’t deliver and then lied about delivering it when I called them out on it.  Once I showed them (and the world) the irrefutable proof to the contrary on this site, they quickly backed down and refunded my money.  They knew full well they would lose in court, and I was ready to take it as far as I had to. One thing you don’t do is screw with people when they are getting married. That kind of shit gets people the special places in hell, and WedSafe’s management team will certainly be in the warmer beds of Lucifer’s palace.

Fast forward to March 11 of this year.  I get this email:

wedsafespam

I don’t remember ever signing up for WedSafe marketing emails, and if you want to get all lawyery technical about it, this would seem to be a violation of any junk email laws that are still on the books, if any.  Not only do they like to take your money and close up shop for the weekend before giving you the product you paid for, they like to send you unsolicited advertising too.

I especially like the statement at the bottom that reads “This message is intended only for the addressee and may contain information that is confidential or privileged. Unauthorized use is strictly prohibited and may be unlawful.”  Well, I didn’t sign the contract agreeing to those terms.  I will, however, take them up on their offer to “Do a friend a favor…” and ”… forward this message…” to the rest of the world so they can see what a bunch of crooked shamming bastards they really are over at WedSafe.

Please, do yourself or a friend a real favor: tell them to not give the people at WedSafe any of their hard-earned money.

Posted in Customer Service, Douchebaggery, Fraud, Jackassery, Money, Rants, WTF | No Comments »

Trent Reznor, I Love You

Monday, May 4th, 2009

http://forum.nin.com/bb/read.php?9,651569,651569#msg-651569

Posted in Apple, Douchebaggery, Jackassery, JesusPhone, Rants, Software, Technology, WTF, iPhone, iTunes | No Comments »

Notes From The “My MacBook is too fragile” Bullshit Pile

Saturday, April 18th, 2009

So, another dumbass, this one named Jeannine, decided to post on MyBiggestComplaint.com about how their MacBook was only dropped a few times:

My macbook screen cracked, too. It has been dropped a couple of times, but nothing major. I also have a PC laptop that has been through much more and it has no damage. I have read many, many complaints about the MacBook screens being very delicate. As much as I love my MacBook, I am really disappointed witht the quality of the shell and screen. To fix this, I have found it will be approximately $800 or more. If these MacBooks are going to have these problems, they really should be able to fix these for much less. I am having to decide between fixing it and paying that ridiculous amount, trying to fix it myself with on line tutorials and a screen purchased from e-bay or just buying a new Mac. If so many people are having these problems, why aren’t they being addressed by Mac?

Aside from the simple fact that Mac makes MAKEUP and Apple makes COMPUTERS you dumb bitch, I decided to reply on the page with this amazingly relevant piece:

After dropping my baby daughter a couple of times, nothing major, she has a bunch of medical problems and learning disabilities. I also have a son who was dropped WAY more often and he has no problems at all. As much as I love my daughter, I’m really disappointed with the quality of the female gender’s infant state. To fix this, I’ve found it will be thousands of dollars per month for medical care and supervision. If these babies are going to have these problems, they really should be able to be disposed of more easily. I am having to decide between putting up with her issues, spending that ridiculous amount of money on medical care, trying to fix her myself with tutorials from WebMD and Wikipedia, and putting her in a trash can and trying for another boy. If so many people are having these problems, why aren’t they being addressed by God?

Seriously people.  The way you treat your computers, when viewed in the context of the way you treat your infant children, is completely unacceptable.  Treat your computer as you would a newborn child and you will rarely have a problem with it.  Shit is unavoidable sometimes.  You could have a colicky baby and you could have a MacBook with a weird, intermittent fan problem.  But when you drop your child and he ends up sounding like Barney Frank later in life, don’t blame it on someone else!

When you drop your damn computer, shit is going to go wrong with it!  Back up your data, take it to a professional, and get it fixed as soon as possible.  Most of the time, if you pay for a repair of the damage and everything else is certified as A-OK, anything that goes wrong down the road is covered under whatever warranty you have left on the machine (assuming you don’t fuck up and drop it again.)  Try getting that guarantee out of your pediatrician!

Posted in Apple, Customer Service, Douchebaggery, Jackassery, Mac Stuff, Ramblings, Rants, Technology, WTF | No Comments »

Big Frank, Little Frank, and the Nehalem Mac Pro

Wednesday, March 11th, 2009

I was screwing around with a new single quad-core Mac Pro the other day and saw this on the logic board:

BigFrankLittleFrank

and thought “what the fuck is that?” I haven’t seen an easter egg, hardware or software, on an Apple product in a LONG time. I have no idea what the “Big Frank” non-socket or “Little Frank” actual-socket is. My only speculation is that the single quad-core board is the “Little Frank” and that the dual quad-core board is “Big Frank”.  I’ll speculate some more and say that maybe the connector is for the equipment testing hardware.  Any other guesses?  I love mystery ports on Apple’s boards.

This wouldn’t be the first time Apple’s used the same base board design with different connector placement depending on the model. If you have an original or ALS iMac G5 (all-white, no iSight camera) and you look at the logic boards, the 17″ and 20″ models have essentially the same board, but with the LCD inverter plugs in different locations and DIMM sockets facing the other direction. There are a few other minor differences, but one time I got a board almost-seated in the wrong size machine. I only noticed it when some of the plug locations were in the wrong place.

Back to the Core i7 Xeon Mac Pro. I wonder if the huge processor/memory board on the single quad-core machine is replaceable with the board from a dual quad-core machine with full function?  I would assume “no” because Apple rolls that way with often-unnecessary firmware limitations on its hardware.  Is there someone familiar with Intel boards able to tell me why or why not?

Posted in Apple, Mac Stuff, Technology, WTF | No Comments »